I Fought with My Spouse - A Tale of Organizational Health
“What does having an argument with your spouse have to do with organizational health!?”
Everything.
So here’s the story. Or at least my side of the story.
Last Thursday morning, I met with a business partner who suggested my services might be desirable overseas (Dubai, to be exact). I was equal parts surprised and excited, as I love international travel. Or at least I did love it, many moons ago when I was single, with no kids, and more disposable income.
By that afternoon, I could barely contain myself. When I got home from work, I immediately and enthusiastically shared the news. “Can you believe it!?” I thought to myself (and possibly said out loud).
She could not. She did not. And her cold reception was a wet blanket that turned my roaring fire into smoldering ashes. I was shocked, hurt, and angry.
As calmly as I could muster, I essentially asked: “What gives?” Help me understand your staunch resistance.
Instead of a reasoned, measured response, she walked out of the room. Now I was really confused.
Fast forward a few hours, after we put our son to bed for the night. With a little space and time, we began a discussion that shed light on why she reacted the way she did (to her credit, she apologized for bailing on the initial conversation). It was illuminating. But the story didn’t exactly have a happy ending for yours truly. I killed the dream, temporarily. Dubai would have to wait.
If you’ve stuck with me this far, thank you. I believe you’ll be rewarded with the answer to my earlier assertion that this fight had “organizational health” written all over it.
Using language from Patrick Lencioni’s Working Genius framework, one of my working geniuses is “Wonder.” I’m a dreamer. I love to get lost in thought, which isn’t a bad thing (in the workplace or the home). My wife has “Discernment.” She’s able to quickly and effectively discern if my idea is great, scatter-brained, or something in between.
Because we know this about each other, we’re able to work together more effectively. Admittedly, it’s not fun when she abruptly shuts down my ideas. Further, she’s not always right (yes, I said it!). But, when we leverage our working geniuses with love & patience, we complement one another to bring about success in our home.
Because we know [each other’s Working Genius], we’re able to work together more effectively…
…we complement one another to bring about success in our home.
In addition to Working Genius, there’s another organizational health framework at work in this story: The Five Dysfunctions of a Team.
Because my wife & I continue to build on nearly six years of vulnerability-based “Trust,” we open our hearts to each other. We share our hopes & dreams without fear of judgment or reprisal.
The next level up from trust is “Conflict.” This isn’t meant to be interpreted negatively, as some might assume. Instead, it’s meant to be the passionate pursuit of truth. And after both sides have had a chance to weigh in, they can effectively buy in or “Commit” to a course of action.
When I mentioned Dubai to my wife, her brain exploded. She couldn’t fathom why I would even entertain the idea of overseas travel. Only after she had some space & time to herself, could we re-enter the “Conflict” stage of the Five Dysfunctions. And even though it was not my desire to scrap international business travel from my 2024 bucket list, I was able to do so - for the benefit of our “team” (a.k.a. marriage) - because I understood my wife’s position. We did the conflict dance fully & fairly, which made it possible for me to “Commit.”
There are a lot of nuances I could explore, but for the sake of brevity, I’ll land the plane here. Suffice it to say, I have a deep conviction that the aforementioned organizational health principles are just as valid in the workplace as in the home. And learning about these tools can relieve burdens, right away, in both places.
If you’re interested in learning more, sign up for a free webinar or jump on a Discovery Call with me!